Ireland; South to North and Inside Out - The Build Up

[I had booked a pre-challenge night kayaking trip to see phospholuminescent algae. However the appalling weather meant that this was cancelled. I had also booked a B&B near the kayaking point but as I had no reason to go off route I took a late bus to Goleen instead. Goleen is the nearest mapped conurbation to Mizen Head – Ireland’s most southerly point].

How can the weather be this bad? It was nice in Cork, I’d have liked to have stayed there, it looked like the lovechild of Sheffield and Amsterdam that had rebelled against its parents by dying its shop fronts in lurid primary colours. The clouds here are so low, they are trying to get carnal with the heather. It’s getting dark now, I wonder how big Goleen is, I hope it has some B&Bs, it must do. I hope the B&Bs have vacancies. What will I do if they don’t? [We got to Goleen at 8.30] At least the rain has stopped, I bet we could have gone kayaking. It’s so dark, it would have looked great. This place is tiny, 2 pubs, a general store, a post office, no B&Bs. Hang on, The Heron and Cove B&B and restaurant. I hope they have vacancies, there’s a lot of cars but it is a restaurant and it is dinner time so that means nothing.

Who has a wedding on the 13th? I thought the Irish were superstitious. Please let there be another B&B, I’ll ask at the post office, what if the wedding party has taken every room in town? Better buy something to get directions, some sort of peanut confectionery bar, perfect, but no other B&Bs. She might be wrong, she couldn’t even work the till, maybe the general store will know. Again I'd better buy something, these biscuits are cheap. Above the church and right at the crossroads, please let them have vacancies my teeth have suffered for this information. The church lights are on, maybe I could sleep there. I must have gone wrong there was no B&B and I'm out of town now, I’m going back to church. Wait a sign facing this way only. Please have space, please have space. Yes.

A classic B&B, all floral patterns and it smells of baking, compliment the smell. Oh crap she's offered me cake, I have just had some sort of peanut thing and some biscuits but I can’t say no, she might throw me out, I’ll have to take a slice, why didn't I bin the biscuits? my poor teeth, please don’t let it be chocolate, please don't let it be chocolate. Carrot cake, no icing. It's an enormous slice but that could have been a lot worse, my luck has picked up here. I can’t face a walk back to the village, time to embrace a bed that looked unlikely an hour ago. I hope the sugar rush won’t keep me awake.