Freak Like Me

A few years ago I read a report on a survey of which donor features were most requested by women visiting sperm banks. I ticked pretty much every box - dark hair, dark eyes, medium height, medium build, University education. The report conclusion was that the women just wanted what they considered "normal" characterisitics for their children. My conclusion was that I am the very definition of Mr Average.

Of course, you are always aware that some parts of your body are larger than the norm and some parts smaller*. However, since taking up the challenges the number of pecularities experts have identified in me seems to have increased considerably - including having an unusually small mouth opening.

The most recent oddity I have discovered came about when I went for a running shoe fitting. Apparently, I have a strange running technique. Not strange in the arms flapping all over the place style of a WAG wannabe heading for the Armani concession on the first day of the Sales but strange in that my heels barely touch the ground. It took slow motion vidoe technology to confirm this. Apparently human legs aren't built for running like that and so I am subject to extra stress in my knees and risk losing toe nails. Still, on the bright side an expensive pair of running shoes will help considerably and I have a ready made excuse should injury hit.

Lucky for me I found other ways to fund my education. I really don't need people limping to my door mumbling "You're my daddy".

*This unwritten pointer towards an innuendo is deliberate and, if there was more than one person reading this then you would not be the only person to have come up with the punchline. You are not yet ready to write a Carry On script.

Stormy Waters

For reasons I won't bore you with I was watching subtitled Sky News on Saturday morning. They had a pretty much constant story about the Horncliff - the ship that was caught up in the storm off the Isles of Scilly. Apparently despite it being a cargo ship there was a German honeymooning couple on board who had to be airlifted to safety. The husband was saying he had always considered himself a sailor and wanted a sea voyage but not a cruise - he craved the adventure of picking up and delivering bananas from Brazil. Of course, typos are common on live news broadcasts and the story may actually have been about a couple called Horncliff who had just bought some fresh fruit and honey and were headed home to watch Boys from Brazil (it was a slow news day). However, to make this entry work I'll assume my original summary is correct.

Despite (sterotyped) German efficiency achieving lifelong dreams is critically dependant on so many factors, not least being in the right place at the right time. Well it turns out that my slapdash approach meant I had booked the Alcatraz Bay swim a day late. Luckily the (stereotyped) high-quality American customer service has rectified this and the organiser arranged a second trip on the 17th (he was already booked by a faster swimmer for the early morning start - nice to know it's a popular tourist activity). As far as I can tell this means I am doing a longer route, albeit with the tide. Now I just have to wait for the freak storm to hit on the 17th and maybe Sky News viewers can read all about the foolish plans of dense Jill Gunner.