Freak Like Me

A few years ago I read a report on a survey of which donor features were most requested by women visiting sperm banks. I ticked pretty much every box - dark hair, dark eyes, medium height, medium build, University education. The report conclusion was that the women just wanted what they considered "normal" characterisitics for their children. My conclusion was that I am the very definition of Mr Average.

Of course, you are always aware that some parts of your body are larger than the norm and some parts smaller*. However, since taking up the challenges the number of pecularities experts have identified in me seems to have increased considerably - including having an unusually small mouth opening.

The most recent oddity I have discovered came about when I went for a running shoe fitting. Apparently, I have a strange running technique. Not strange in the arms flapping all over the place style of a WAG wannabe heading for the Armani concession on the first day of the Sales but strange in that my heels barely touch the ground. It took slow motion vidoe technology to confirm this. Apparently human legs aren't built for running like that and so I am subject to extra stress in my knees and risk losing toe nails. Still, on the bright side an expensive pair of running shoes will help considerably and I have a ready made excuse should injury hit.

Lucky for me I found other ways to fund my education. I really don't need people limping to my door mumbling "You're my daddy".

*This unwritten pointer towards an innuendo is deliberate and, if there was more than one person reading this then you would not be the only person to have come up with the punchline. You are not yet ready to write a Carry On script.