Breakfast at 9, I’ll nip down to Mizen Head and back first. Some signposts would be nice, this can’t be the quickest route, nice beach, I bet if it wasn’t pouring down this would look nice. Left my iPod at the B&B. I wonder if I’ll see a car, or person. Quick photo and go. How can the batteries be dead? I haven’t taken a picture. The spares are at the B&B, shake them, that works, or at least I can get a quick snap. Not that a picture will show much, apparently the red sandstone cliffs and coastline will take my breath away but the cloud is so low that I can’t even see the sea. Ok time to leave, get the challenge officially started. Time to get breakfast.
[After a full Irish at the B&B] very Atkins friendly [I headed off properly].
It’s wet but not windy at least. First target town is Kenmare [the number of potential things that could go wrong meant that I hadn’t planned a route, I was just selecting a target town to aim for before each leg]. I’m glad I remembered I have the iPod. 8pt Agenda, good first song, although maybe not complimentary to the beautiful landscape. I wonder if I’ll see a car before I reach the N71. Here’s the N71, there’s a car. That must be an impressive ancient anchor to merit its own road sign, maybe I should stop. Is that it? I’ve seen better anchors and 1796 isn’t really very ancient. Bantry Golf Club, designed by Christie O’Connor Jr. He always looked a nice guy – like a great grandfather, I wonder if he is now a great-grandfather. Ballylickey, classic comedy town name. I don’t like jokes, I like wit. Actually I do like jokes but I can’t tell them and people who can’t tell jokes like to make themselves feel better by saying wit is superior. It would be nice to be able to tell jokes but I’d prefer to be able to do accents. People laugh at accents even when the words aren’t funny – Rory Bremner has made a career out of that. Glengariff Golf Club, was Christie O’Connor Jr not good enough for you?
I wonder if Ill ever see blue sky in Ireland. The cloud looks higher, or maybe I’m lower. I think I’m at saturation point anyway, I’m not noticing the rain now.27km to Kenmare, I wonder what that is in miles? Hill, hill, hill, when is this going to end? That’s over an hour and still going and steep too. The Caha Pass, I’m going to check its elevation when I get back because that was ridiculous [not even Wikipedia seems to know]. Why couldn’t they put that tunnel lower down? And into County Kerry, looks the same as County Cork, weather is the same as County Cork but it’s downhill – weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Finally Kenmare, time to stretch off and try to get at least a little drier, I’ll wring out the gloves, my hands haven’t been that shade of blue since Alcatraz. This town ticks every Irish cliché going. It knows its market is ageing American tourists, and it has worked they are everywhere. What are they actually finding to do? Next target is Killarney. I wonder if I’ll make Tralee today.
Not another climb. That can’t still be this road over there. This is not a good idea with cold muscles. Hillcrest Farm, at the moment the most pleasing farm name ever. The farm lied, so much for honest country folk. Killarney National Park looks pretty, all these loughs and trees. I’m liking the smell of pine, wouldn’t notice that in a car. This part of Ireland must be an area for touring as there is nothing to do in the towns and villages. I expect bike is best, if it ever stops raining, you seem to notice more and certainly have a lot more time to appreciate the detail. I can handle the steep ups here, they are followed quickly by steep downs. Not so keen on the coaches overtaking me on the narrow roads. And the diesel is destroying the pine smell. Killarney, this is bigger than I expected, a proper large town but it could do with a signpost to Tralee. Nice big church with a rugby pitch where most churches have graveyards. There must be a sport meets religion quip just waiting for Gary Lineker there. Do quips count as jokes or wit? Why is everybody here displaying green and yellow flags? Surely the ones on the car windows are reserved for Esso Garage Promotions until our penalty defeat in the World Cup [It turned out these were Kerry flags because they were soon to be playing in the Gallic Football Cup final]. A roundabout, they are the best way to find directions out of a town, and there is Tralee, 32km, what’s that in miles? Ok, I should be there between 6.30 and 7. Uphill again, is there any Irish town that you can escape without going uphill? Doesn’t Ireland have roads where things defy gravity by rolling uphill? Let’s find one of those. I’m not so keen on the green roads, they are too busy and the view is less interesting. I’ll stick to red roads as much as possible [on the map I was using green roads indicated the primary roads and red roads indicated the secondary roads]. For crying out loud avoid the cat’s eyes, my arse is hurting enough as it is. I think I can almost see the sun through the cloud over there – still raining though. I bet it rains even when it is sunny, no wonder rainbows play a part in Irish folklore. A roundabout, that always signifies that I am near a town, they are the traffic equivalent of a dove with an olive branch. Loads of B&Bs but I could do with one near the centre but will they take bikes?. I’ll start at the centre and work my way out. 6.40 is respectable enough. 97 miles. One day in and my legs ache and my arse is raw, 4 more days will be a struggle.
[After a full Irish at the B&B] very Atkins friendly [I headed off properly].
It’s wet but not windy at least. First target town is Kenmare [the number of potential things that could go wrong meant that I hadn’t planned a route, I was just selecting a target town to aim for before each leg]. I’m glad I remembered I have the iPod. 8pt Agenda, good first song, although maybe not complimentary to the beautiful landscape. I wonder if I’ll see a car before I reach the N71. Here’s the N71, there’s a car. That must be an impressive ancient anchor to merit its own road sign, maybe I should stop. Is that it? I’ve seen better anchors and 1796 isn’t really very ancient. Bantry Golf Club, designed by Christie O’Connor Jr. He always looked a nice guy – like a great grandfather, I wonder if he is now a great-grandfather. Ballylickey, classic comedy town name. I don’t like jokes, I like wit. Actually I do like jokes but I can’t tell them and people who can’t tell jokes like to make themselves feel better by saying wit is superior. It would be nice to be able to tell jokes but I’d prefer to be able to do accents. People laugh at accents even when the words aren’t funny – Rory Bremner has made a career out of that. Glengariff Golf Club, was Christie O’Connor Jr not good enough for you?
I wonder if Ill ever see blue sky in Ireland. The cloud looks higher, or maybe I’m lower. I think I’m at saturation point anyway, I’m not noticing the rain now.27km to Kenmare, I wonder what that is in miles? Hill, hill, hill, when is this going to end? That’s over an hour and still going and steep too. The Caha Pass, I’m going to check its elevation when I get back because that was ridiculous [not even Wikipedia seems to know]. Why couldn’t they put that tunnel lower down? And into County Kerry, looks the same as County Cork, weather is the same as County Cork but it’s downhill – weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Finally Kenmare, time to stretch off and try to get at least a little drier, I’ll wring out the gloves, my hands haven’t been that shade of blue since Alcatraz. This town ticks every Irish cliché going. It knows its market is ageing American tourists, and it has worked they are everywhere. What are they actually finding to do? Next target is Killarney. I wonder if I’ll make Tralee today.
Not another climb. That can’t still be this road over there. This is not a good idea with cold muscles. Hillcrest Farm, at the moment the most pleasing farm name ever. The farm lied, so much for honest country folk. Killarney National Park looks pretty, all these loughs and trees. I’m liking the smell of pine, wouldn’t notice that in a car. This part of Ireland must be an area for touring as there is nothing to do in the towns and villages. I expect bike is best, if it ever stops raining, you seem to notice more and certainly have a lot more time to appreciate the detail. I can handle the steep ups here, they are followed quickly by steep downs. Not so keen on the coaches overtaking me on the narrow roads. And the diesel is destroying the pine smell. Killarney, this is bigger than I expected, a proper large town but it could do with a signpost to Tralee. Nice big church with a rugby pitch where most churches have graveyards. There must be a sport meets religion quip just waiting for Gary Lineker there. Do quips count as jokes or wit? Why is everybody here displaying green and yellow flags? Surely the ones on the car windows are reserved for Esso Garage Promotions until our penalty defeat in the World Cup [It turned out these were Kerry flags because they were soon to be playing in the Gallic Football Cup final]. A roundabout, they are the best way to find directions out of a town, and there is Tralee, 32km, what’s that in miles? Ok, I should be there between 6.30 and 7. Uphill again, is there any Irish town that you can escape without going uphill? Doesn’t Ireland have roads where things defy gravity by rolling uphill? Let’s find one of those. I’m not so keen on the green roads, they are too busy and the view is less interesting. I’ll stick to red roads as much as possible [on the map I was using green roads indicated the primary roads and red roads indicated the secondary roads]. For crying out loud avoid the cat’s eyes, my arse is hurting enough as it is. I think I can almost see the sun through the cloud over there – still raining though. I bet it rains even when it is sunny, no wonder rainbows play a part in Irish folklore. A roundabout, that always signifies that I am near a town, they are the traffic equivalent of a dove with an olive branch. Loads of B&Bs but I could do with one near the centre but will they take bikes?. I’ll start at the centre and work my way out. 6.40 is respectable enough. 97 miles. One day in and my legs ache and my arse is raw, 4 more days will be a struggle.
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