Cheese Rolling

Let's start by answering the two big questions:

1. Who takes part in cheese rolling? I have sketched a Venn Diagram to answer this.

2. What goes through the mind of somebody chasing a ball of cheese down a steep hill in Gloucestershire?

Shhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

I'm afraid that the rest of this post is a bit of a downer. Cheese Rolling was a massive let down, a victim of its own media appeal. Look closely at a picture of the event that shows the top of the hill and you will see, in the middle, a large crowd of people. These are not spectators but at least 300 people who have turned up hoping to take part and are now crowded so closely on a slope that you cannot shiver without risking accusations of sexual assault.. At best 80 of these people will get to join in, and that is just through sheer chance of arriving early enough and standing in the right place (organisation is non-existent, nobody tells you what is happening). Most of the rest will just throw themselves down the hill after the official day is finished so as not to waste the drive down.

Then the lucky ones get to go through a gate and stand at the top of the hill for an age. It does not feel like an age, it is an age, so long that the adrenalin starts to wear off and you just want to start. A man in a white coat rolls a cheese and you jump. Those with aspirations of winning fly down, risking injury (and many were injured). Those with a sense of self-preservation still lose control but get down safely. It is a bit like a water park slide - the fast one that local legend has it that someone once died on. You stop at the bottom, recover your balance and thoughts, realise you are cold and wet, look around and realise nothing else is happening so wander back to the car, dry off, change and warm up. At this point the intention to go and take photos seems like the worst idea since Jackie said to John "It's a lovely day, why don't we put the roof down" so you go home with a sense of anticlimax.

Oh, and finally, to anybody doing these things in fancy dress, wearing a mankini does not make people like you or think you are clever, they mock you in whispers. You are like people who recite the dead parrot sketch at dinner parties.

Overall I'd give this one a D, don't believe the hype.